The People in my head
Okay, I don’t really have people in my head, and I’m not crazy, no multiple personalities here. But I do have a whole party of characters in my head. I love them and know them intimately. I care for them, nurture them and give them life with the plots and story lines I dream up. What worries me is that they will die with me if I don’t write their stories. It’s like I have them in my minds prison and they are aching to get out. I’m either too lazy or overprotective to let them out. I believe it is the former and have written about my struggles to get the written word on the page as I spew out blog after blog of written words (kind of ironic isn’t it). It’s like reverse procrastination. Work on something other than your goals so you won’t have to fail at it. Fear of failure, low self esteem, procrastination they all point to one thing. Nothing to show. I have had friends, family and even strangers tell me how to get them down on paper (and I have large chunks of unfinished stories) but unless I come up with my own solution nothing will work. This is my puzzle, once I figure this out I will be free (like Stephen King I will churn out novels like daily bowel movements) but until then I will struggle.
One problem is time, I get home and I am tired from working all day, I then spend sometime with my best buddy and daughter Sammy, eat, talk to my wife, put Sammy to bed, then watch television, then read in bed until I get sleepy. Get up the next day and do the same thing. I need to bump out of the groove, like I said in past posts, I need to put aside a half hour and just use it for myself. One solution is slashing some shows from my television watching, or play less video games, especially hockey (god dammit I’m obsessed with that game). And this will work, as I recently started to get up early to work out and after a few days it became second nature. So one less show and less reading can make this happen.
I designed some book covers and will print these out and put them on my office wall to visualize what the final products might look like. Maybe just maybe this will make the projects more real, even if just in my minds eye.
Golda Meir once said “I must govern the clock, not be governed by it.” Great words to live by, maybe I’ll do it tomorrow…maybe. Also if time is the fire in which we burn I am feeling the heat, I am not getting any younger and as the years creep on looking back is starting to feel longer than looking forward. Before I had my whole life ahead of me, now I have most of my life behind me. No better motivator than death is there. So for now just imagine these books on the shelves of your local bookstore, I will fill them up as soon as I can, you just remember to look for them.