Why You Wanna Be a Zombie
Listen, half of us are zombies already. We work day in day out, shuffling our way into work then lurching back home where we sit in front of the television like a listless horde. I think being a zombie might not be so bad, and here are my top ten reasons I think we should just give into the sweet embrace of the undead.
10. You don’t have to go to work.
You can dress how ever you want, there are trucker zombies and cop zombies and even supermodel zombies but you never see them go into work.
9. Eat when you feel like it.
Zombies can live forever without eating anything. Then when someone saunters by you can just take a bite, also other zombies always like to share, you never see zombies fighting over food. Also the preferred meal for zombies is brains, which is a delicacy in most places.
8. Be part of something bigger than yourself.
If you ever wanted to be part of the “in” crowd, then this is the way to go. The group is not judgemental and they will accept you with open arms…and mouths.
7. Take your time.
You ever see a zombie check his watch? Of course not, there is no agenda, no to do list, just amble around at a leisurely pace and hang out with your zombie buddies.
6. Save time on personal hygiene.
No showering, putting on makeup, fixing your hair, doing laundry. Imagine all the time you’ll save? You don’t even have to wear pants or have a face. Oh sweet freedom.
5. Be famous.
The zombie bubble is still huge and it shows no sign of slowing down. You could do a walk-on for the Walking Dead (yes, pun intended), hang out with George A. Romero, or even dance in a Micheal Jackson video. Live the dream you zombie-superstar.
4. Be an early adopter.
Be the first on your block to become undead. Forget about keeping up with the Joneses, beat the Jonses to the punch and then eat the Joneses.
3. Power in Numbers.
Remember that hot new club that wouldn’t let you in when you were a pink, puffy human. Well go back with a thousand of your zombie friends and if the bouncer still won’t let you in, eat him. Then work your way through the club, it’ll be like a buffet.
2. Simplify your life.
Brains, that’s it. Nothing could be simpler.
1. You are immortal.
You will live forever, you are the undead, you can just wander around until your legs fall off, then wander around on your stumps, it’s up to you. Just watch your head, that is your weak point, those pesky humans will want to shoot it, cut it off, or crush it. Make sure you eat them first.
So think about it, next time a zombie outbreak happens, what side do you want to be on? Do you want to be holed up in a house crying as you run out of ammunition or outside in the fresh air, limping around with thousands of your closest friends. Think about it. I know what I’d do.