The Zombie Apocolypse is Here
I knew it would eventually come to this, but I didn’t think it would be so soon. There have been numerous events in the past weeks that are pointing towards a zombie outbreak, it is here people, just check out these news stories. Thanks to my brother for sending me these links.
5/16: High School HazMat Situation: School Decontaminated After Breaking Out In Rash
5/19: No confirmation on chemical at Fort Lauderdale International Airport
5/21: Police: Man bites woman in Westchester
5/23: I-285 reopens after hazmat incident
5/23: Man Bites Cousin’s Nose Off
5/24: Second Broward school reports mystery rash
5/25: Hazmat Called After Kids Exposed To Pesticide On Bus
5/25: ‘Disoriented’ passenger subdued on flight in Miami
5/26: Naked Man Allegedly Eating Victim’s Face Shot And Killed By Miami Police
5/26: Florida Doctor Spits Blood at Highway Patrolmen After DUI Arrest
5/27: Georgia contractor bites Lowe’s employees, resists arrest
We all fear the zombie apocalypse but we have been training ourselves sub-conciously through certain aspects of our lives. I wrote a blog earlier as to why you would want to be a zombie, but if you are among the people that would like to fight it out, then this blog is for you. Here are a few categories where society has sharpened the edge of our survival instinct and prepared us for the inevitable.
Video games: We have all shot up zombies in video games. From Call of Duty to Left 4 Dead we have been trained to shoot for the head, and run when there gets to be too many of them. Our itchy trigger fingers are primed and ready to unleash a barrage of bullets towards any infected foes. Most of us don’t know how to shoot a gun though, unless it has a control pad,batteries and an Xbox logo on it. As for loading it, forget about it. So bone up on your gun education, your life depends on it.
Television: If you have watched any zombie movies or zombie television shows you know that eventually you will be trapped along with other survivors. Learn from these bits of fiction on how to get along with your fellow man, or woman. Once your trapped in an old house for days on end, the enemy is no longer the zombies, but the isolation and psychological warfare among the people you are with. I suggest become a recluse and hoarding food, but that’s just me. Stay away from my Twinkies you bastards!!!
Internet: Finally, social networking is good for something. Use Facebook to start an Anti-Zombies page, or twitter to communicate about safe havens. You can even start a tumblr page about Zombies at Walmart, or The Weeks Best Kills, the possibilities are endless. Don’t be shy, get creative, have fun with it.
Camping: If we have learned anything about the zombie apocalypse, it’s that we will no longer be able to run down to the McDonalds and order up a Big Mac and fries. We have to take care of ourselves and that means getting off of the grid, and back to nature. Hone your wilderness skills because more than likely your going to evacuate the cities and head for the hills. Roast some weenies, sing some campfire songs, go fishing. Anything to get your mind off of the fact that something is slowly plodding toward where you are, with one goal in mind, to eat your brain. Once they get close, just pack up and move to a new site, they are pretty slow. It’d be like a big game of Marco Polo in the forest.
All of these skills are not exclusive to survive, you could just commandeer a helicopter and fly it to an island, (I don’t think zombies can swim, can they?) and you would be fine, but they will give you the best chance of staying alive. So get to practicing and read my blog, cause if I’m stuck with you, trapped in an abandon warehouse with twenty thousand zombies outside the last thing I want to hear is “Really…you have a blog, I never knew…really for how long…huh…interesting, maybe I’ll check it out…uh, what is the link again?” Actually I hear that all the time, the thing I really don’t want to hear is “WE’RE OUT OF TWINKIES!!!! GAME OVER MAN, GAME OVER!!!”
Take care and watch your back, you never know where the next zombie will pop up, probably in Miami, but you can never be too careful.