One Lunar Cycle
I feel like a werewolf with the tide coming in at that time of the month, I sense a close connection to the moons rhythms this blog post. I haven’t blogged for a whole month, one lunar cycle. While some people may be rejoicing about having a little less shit thrown into cyberspace, others are saying “WTF is a Blond Zombie?” Either way, I needed the break. With the life changes and the upheaval of everything that is the Blond Zombie, there was just no room for it. But I’m back now baby, and in my time off I have collected new and interesting incites into what makes our world tick and tons of useless and trivial information to clog up your brain parts. From barbershops to workflows to kick-ass futuristic BBC television shows. (and no it’s not Doctor Who). I will resume where I left off with the blog and shout it to the moon. That reminds me, I was talking about something.
I know I talk a lot about space but it’s pretty freaking cool, it surrounds us on all sides. Just look up, you can’t escape it, it’s the biggest thing we know, so big our little brains can’t even make sense of it. But out in this hugeness of space is our closest neighbour the moon. Sitting there in the sky like a dirty light bulb. Most of us take the moon for granted, but it does some pretty incredible things for us.
It plays a game of tug of war with the sun, you know that moon affects the tides, but the Sun does too, because the sun is farther away it has only about a third the pull the moon has, but it’s there. They perform an elegant cosmic dance pulling and deforming our monstrous oceans keeping them moving in a predictable way.
It keeps us level. About ten million years after our lonely planet was formed, a Mars sized planet, known as Thea, crashed into our molten fireball at an oblique angle at twenty-five thousand miles per hour. I caused most of the earths molten seas to be flung off the planet into space creating this fiery arm floating around the plant. That would be one hell of a fireworks show. Then like the bad guy in Terminator 2, the hardened chunks of ex-earth began to come together to form our moon. This is also known as the Giant Impact theory. And because of this impact the earths axial tilt is shifted to its current twenty three and a half degrees…which gives us seasons. These are spring, summer, fall, winter…this is for the seasonally challenged individuals who think, rain, smog and summer are seasons. Yes I’m talking to you Los Angeles.
While there are a shit load of weird things about the moon (I’ll blog about that another time) I find one of the weirdest is the moon is just the right size to block out the sun every once in a while. Solar eclipses are like the cosmos going tah dah! and then just going on about it’s business like nothing happened. It’s like looking into the eye of a dragon. I was so afraid as a kid to look at the damn thing too, I thought I would go blind, my retinas would melt down the back of my skull and I would have to wear matching pirate eye patches. It still freaks me out when I hear one is coming up. I start googling where to rent welders masks or tape together 6 pairs of sunglasses just to get a glimpse.
Over this last month I took time to look at the moon, waxing and waning, floating through the night sky, it makes you feel humble in a way. Today is the full moon and I thought it was fitting to start writing again. I hope you didn’t stray too far and stay tuned for more and thanks for being so patient. And for your patience, I will leave you with a few rules about the moon, some you know, others you don’t. Take care.
- First rule about Moon rules is you don’t talk about moon rules.
- Wolves have to howl at it, it’s not their fault, they just think its a giant motorcycle driving right at them.
- If you get caught between the moon and New York City…well you know what to do.
- On that same note if the moon hits your eye, like a big pizza pie, see rule 3.
- Eating moon pies and mooning someone are two different things, look into them before you partake, I would hate for you to mix them up.
- Werewolves get a little moody during full moons, steer clear of them…zombies on the other hand are unaffected.
- It is not made of cheese like most people believe, that’s just silly, it’s made of funnel cake and marzipan.
- And last but not least, rock stars like to name their kids after it, 50‘s bus drivers like to threaten their wives with a straight trip to it and cows jump over it.